Nightlight: A Parody by The Harvard Lampoon

Title: Nightlight

Author: The Harvard Lampoon

Pages: 160

Publisher: Vintage

Reading Level: Whatever Level

Spotlight: Hilarious

Rating: .5

"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him–which I assumed was wildly out of his control–that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me."

And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight.

Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?

Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.

Taschima

This book is hilarious. Period.

Belle Goose... she's a weird girl. They took Bella and highlighted all her bad characteristics and put them in Belle. Belle is klutzy to the 10th potential, she is a stuck up, and she loves danger. She moves from her sunny state to gloomy Switchblade (get it? Oh please tell me you do) so that her mother can be happy while she is rotting in hell, sounds familiar? Also she is obsessed with vampires! Isn't that nice? She likes men who boss he around and do not let her decide for herself; men that are dangerous to her health.

The plot is similar to Twilight but at the same time it has it's own thing going on. The book is extremely little so I don't want to say too much as to ruin it for you guys, so I will just post some other funny passages and let you guys decide if it's worth it.

"Before going to lunch, I ran outside to the parking lot to make sure Edward's van had returned. I let out a long, deflated, bellow of a sigh as I ran around and around the 500-space lot. It wasn't there. I considered going home--was an education worth it without a marital prospect?"

Bella's obsession with Edward, ah a classic.

"I looked at him lovingly while I attached a small target to my neck. Would he bite when it mattered? I wondered. Could he bite a moving target? What about a moving target fifty yards away with a wind speed of thirty-five mph? We left the house and started walking towards the cemetery. If the desires of my heart and the predictions of my pedometer were correct, I was only 952 steps away from becoming a blood-sucker."

Belle wanting to become a vampire, badly.

"Okay, we all set?" asked Josh, tossing another shriveled mole onto a pile. How civilized, I thought, to have a designated place for appetizer-refuse, just like a good host providing a bowl to put shrimp tails in.

"I guess so," I said. "Get him, Edwart!"

"No Belle-- I can't fight a monster! I will never live up to your abnormal and perverse fantasies!"

...and so much more. You should really sink your teeth into this amazing parody, right away. I gave it a 3.5 because even though it was hilarious, for me, they kind of pushed the stupidity at times. And well I was kind of like "Get on with it!" by the middle of the book. The book is good for a few laughs and stuff, just not intense, amazing reading.